lost of words....

i haven't post anything for the last few days, i'm kinda lost in a moment plus been busy with the workloads (as usual). well, in 3 days we'll be celebrating another new year. so what's your resolution for next year, could it be the same or much better?

It's X'mas....

pictures taken from our trip to s'pore recently, it's was a buzy time of the year since most people shopped for x'mas. we came back with a lot of sore muscles but we do have fun. will upload some pictures next time ayte :)

home....

i'm back,finally home after 4 days in s'pore. still feel tired though and my leg was still sore but i'm in the upbeat mood to get back and face the reality. let's just say when i'm away, some things are more clearer..will update with the pictures soon :)

Holiday.....

selamat hari raya to all muslim readers,im mobile blogging now in my flight so have to make it quick before take off hehe.. p.s. happy belated bday 2 my baby bro fifi, lots of love *hugs* plus a friend bday tomorrow, you know who u are, happy advance bday geng :p. i'll update my blog again in few days time, now i just what to enjoy my long awaited break :)

what's in the closet?

firstly, many thanks to my colleague, Nurul for inviting us for the bbq party last night. we really have so much fun, can't believe we just stay there for hours talking and laughing about a lot of stuff, i was supposed to be there only for two hours but then..anyway, we could do it again some other times with all those ASC's gila2 people, yes? :p

do you ever wonder, how well we know those people around us, our family, friends or the loved ones? even when we already living with them for years, shared everything together, do we ever wonder if they still have skeletons in their closet? everyone have their own secrets, no matter if its just small matters or something huge that can rock the world, still it is something thats worth keeping.....

The real world.....

the world is like an open classroom. once you step out of the door, there will be a lot of valuable lessons we learned along the way. we'll experienced things, either good or bad. there will be some things that we regret doing but at the end we'll examined it and try not to make the same mistakes again. after all, we just ordinary humans, no one can escape the cycle. its how we handle the situation is what really matters......

We are who we are, some people will never change.....

Love don't wait.....

humans, even how invincible they think there are, will never escape the power of love how hard they try. even when we say we're not ready for it, it can catch us off guard. the idea of being in a company of someone that we can talk to in good or bad times, someone that we chose to had a fight with, shared all those little details, someone that can put a smile to our face and made our days better, who can make our heartbeat faster every time we saw them and made us miss them like crazy, the list goes on. i know in reality, not all people have the luck finding those people the first time. sometimes they have to pass a lot of hurdles and setbacks just to get to the point where they'll be happy in the end. but there are some people who stayed in a relationship just because that's the only thing that made them feel secure even though they can't even see the happy ending at the end. some people stayed because of the sense of security that was provided, let love take the backseat. in the real world, money can be the drive force for everything and they can even buy love. i know, that love sometimes was not enough, people need something more to what people can offer. everyday, as it passes i saw what love can do to people. at one point we always had all this qualities that we want in a person but in just a simple twist of fate we end up getting less or more than what we bargain for. i even knew someone who was from a different styles and background but ended up falling for each other. how hard they try to convince themselves that it was never gonna work but in the end it was a different story, like what Sidney Shaw said 'Your heart never seems to follow what your head tells you to do..'

as the wall starts to crumble......

When we let it free....

The thing people forget is how good it can feel when you finally set secrets free. Whether good or bad, at least they're out in the open. And once your secrets are out in the open, you don't have to hide behind them anymore. The problem with secrets is even when you think you're in control, you're not.
~Meredith Grey~

It never seems to heal...

some people say, time heal old wounds. but i don't really think that phrase applies for me too. it's been years since but the wounds don't seems to heal. i've been trying to put a positive mind on everything, forgiving and even trying to forget but nothing seems to work. i know, i shouldn't dwell to much on the past especially my not-so fancy past life but once in a while we tend to look back to all the things that made us being bitter in the first place. call me cruel but frankly, i don't really give a damn anymore. how i wish i could run and leave everything behind.....

hectic..

it's been days since my last post. been busy lately, since I’m taking my leave in 13 days time i have to finish all my work before then. gosh it's was hectic, with a lot of appointments and such. i just can't wait for my long awaited break. plus i'm lost of ideas what to post, there's no word of wisdom came out in my head. it was a total blank,i just hope i can regain back everything soon....

All the good things..

"The bad things in life open your eyes to the good things you weren't paying attention to before."
~ Good Will Hunting~

giving in to all the good things that lays in front of me...

Any given sundays..

the usual part of my sundays, watching sunsets..

Dare To Dream...

first of all my condolence to one of my colleague, Kathy for the demise of her father yesterday morning. our hearts goes out to you through this hard times. Al-Fatihah...

on the lighter note, our ASC's team plus Phone Banking & Bunut Branch was participating in SCB's Vision of 2011 - Dare To Dream challenge yesterday afternoon which took place at Muhhibah Room, RBA Club. we get to give a showcase or presentation of what's our vision would be, even our own CEO also participate! well, it was a large turnout of staff yesterday, most of them are supporting their own depts. lucky we don't have to share our seats like most of them cos we came way too early to practice our moves. we only got a consolation price of trophy and BND$100, not too bad because we only had a chance to practice yesterday. well, no matter if we win or lose, us willing to take the challenge is what really counts and we had a chance to get to know each other better and above all of that we're having fun..

but out of the sudden, i felt something missing inside of me. honestly, i don't have the answer when the fun and the laughter just simply stop and disappear without me even noticing it. maybe i just have to dig deep inside me or maybe, i don't have to do nothing at all...

Over you..

time heal all wounds, even when it took a large amount of our time and an amount of effort to make it happen but believe me it will. it's been years since you gone, trace of you still left in my mind but it only to remind myself that i won't fall to the same trap twice. maybe for some people think i'm not truly moving on but as in today, i truly am. don't ask me why, after all this years. lets just say i've found the reason....

hearts was never meant to be broken......

December..

it's 1st of December, the last month on the calendar. in a month from now we will be celebrating a new year 2008. how fast time flies, so much has happen in so little time and yet still leaving me with an amount of questions still left unanswered...

I will never let you fall...

The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus - Your Guardian Angel

When I see your smile
Tears run down my face I can't replace
And now that I'm strong I have figured out
How this world turns cold and it breaks through my soul
And I know I'll find deep inside me I can be the one

I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven
It's ok. It's ok. It's ok.

Seasons are changing
And waves are crashing
And stars are falling all for us
Days grow longer and nights grow shorter
I can show you I'll be the one

I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

Cuz you're my, you're my, my true love, my whole heart
Please don't throw that away
Cuz I'm here for you
Please don't walk away and,
Please tell me you'll stay, woah stay woah

Use me as you will
Pull my strings just for a thrill
And I know I'll be ok
Though my skies are turning gray
I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

~Latest fave song in my mp3's :)~

Past tense...

last night, i was invited to a friend's b'day party, a friend from the past. at first, i hesitant to go but i keep reminding myself that i should not bear any grudges anymore. too bad, after tonight i just realise that the wounds still remains even when i said to myself that everything is ok, that i've move on. it's been a long time but from the way i see it, none of it has changed. they are still them, those people that i left behind. those people that taught me betrayal do exist, that trust is overrated, that being good and honest doesn't pay but being cunning does. forgive me if all the words that came out is so unusual of me but i need to let it out somehow. i'm no angel so it's ok for me to be angry once in a while. i know i shouldn't dwell to much about the past, maybe some people will just forgive and forget but this is one past that i wish i would never remember.

there'll be brighter days to come and things will be better......

Finding peace...

at Meragang Beach yesterday with the siblings, a quite and cold evening...

Quote of the day

'Sometimes the heart sees what is invisible to the eye' - H.Jackson Brown Jr

The SCBees...

Dinner@ Fairway Rest, RGBCC (i think i spell it right..) last night with our recently formed SCBees..

Temptations...

'It is not the great temptations that ruin us; it is the little ones' - John W. DeForest

Temptations, such a big word to begin with. it does come in many forms in a lot of different ways. once in a while we'll experienced it whatever temptations that comes to us especially a desire for ones affection. how can some people so easily or wholeheartedly surrendering themselves to it without thinking of the consequences? well, a 'salute' those people who dare because for me, it will take me a great amount of courage even just to take one step forward. like what i used to say to a friend once, its the feeling of regret of how it turned out is what worries me not the excitement towards it. i know humans are not a perfect being, sometimes it pulls us so strong we never thought we could escape. well that depends on the situation we're in. if we're willing to take the risk, well its our call because i can't answer for anyone, its up to our own judgement to rationalise whatever actions that we are taking...

Don't stop dancing...

there are times in life when we want to stop living. put everything that we had now on halt or throw it all away. i know for sure, that life is unfair but hey, for whatever reasons we're giving we still have to move on anyway. we can't stop dancing just because our shoes don't fits anymore, we just have to find a right pair even if it took us ages to find the perfect fit. that's how life is, we can't stop living just because we're left broken hearted or we failed in doing something. maybe we just need to sit and look back, find the cause and then move on. we only have one life, its a waste if we didn't use it to the fullest. enjoy it and be happy, love our family and friends and appreciated those people around us, laughed as hard as we can and don't get caught up in our sadness cos i know at the end, even if the scars still remain, the wound will eventually healed...

At times life is wicked
and I just can’t see the light
A silver lining sometimes isn’t enough
To make some wrongs seem right
Whatever life brings
I’ve been through everything
And now I’m on my knees again
But I know I must go on
Although I hurt I must be strong
Because inside I know that many
Feel this way

Children don’t stop dancing
Believe you can fly
Away, away

~Creed - Don't Stop Dancing~

Reminisce..

found this inside my sister's folder, i'm blogging at easyway now using her laptop since she needs to borrow mine coz its the only one that supports the printer i'm using.(my printer only supports WinXP and such, no Vista obviously). this pics was taken in s'pore, in one of our frequent trips long time ago. the image is not that clear unfortunately but you're welcome to guess which one is me :)

The point of view...

"Those who play the game do not see it as clearly as those who watch." - Chinese Proverb

somehow, i find this is true. sometimes, we can't see things clearly by ourselves until somebody else did it on our behalf. like,a passion of someone towards another person or a betrayal or some other things that our eyes can't see. usually, its all those little things that matters cos in a way, it helps other people's observance to validate the facts that whatever that happens is true and not something out of the imagination. i know for certain, some people prefer to have the facts right or a logic explaination for everything cos i know it helps to rationalise things but sometimes, when its about matters of the heart, facts and figures won't really count. it would cost less or probably nothing at all.....

maybe i'm wrong this time, but what if i'm right..?

A brand new day...

i just finished reading a book last night, its called 'For One More Day' by Mitch Albom. thanks to lyn for lending me that book, i know i'm a slow reader but at least i can finish the book faster than the other one, maybe because of the interesting story :) did anyone ever experienced that a book, movie or something else can made us change our ways of seeing things. it can made us value the time and our life more and to remind ourselves not to take it for granted like what i often did once upon a time. i know i made some mistakes in the past, not something that can be proud of but things happen. everyday is a brand new day, a chance to change for something good. maybe not as perfect but better....


'Its not that i can't live without you, its just that i don't wanna try'
-Anonymous

Quote of the day

"Choices that deal with love are like alcohol, when you are under the influence of it you tend to do things that you regret later on."
-Anonymous

how do we know we're making the right choice..?

Take control...

how can we avoid some things that looks inevitable? run away and hide somewhere, pretending it ever existed or just face the consequenses of our actions? whatever the options are, it is us who determine what's the right move will be. lets face it, sometimes what our heart says won't always what our head agreed on. so which one will we choose? i know for a fact, that i made some mistakes of letting some things getting out of hand when supposedly i can avoid it from happening. but there some things that we don't have the control over even how good we're in avoiding it especially when it comes to other people's emotions. maybe from our side, we can stop it from going on further but what about the other party? how can we convinced them to stop without even breaking their hearts? maybe for some, it's an easy question to answer but when you see it from my view, it'll be the hardest ones. but sooner or later, i still have to take control of the situation how costly my actions will be. risky, but i know it's worth it.....

It lies in all of us..

"Passion, it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unwanted, unbidden, it will stir ... open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us, passion rules us all; and we obey. What other choice do we have? Passion is the source of our finest moments. The joy of love, the clarity of hatred, and the ecstasy of grief. It hurts - sometimes more than we can bear. If we could live without passion, maybe we'd know some kind of peace. But we would be hollow, empty rooms, shuttered and dank. Without passion, we'd be truly dead."
-Anonymous

Tangled..

there are some things that needs my full attention at the moment. honestly, i don't really know how to settle it or sort it out but at the end of the day i still have to do it. partly, maybe its my fault also for keep dragging all this down for so long but hey, that's just me and that's one habit which hard for me to break. everything was so tangled up and messy, lots of secrets and lies happening around me i just don't know which is right and which one is wrong anymore. one question, who will you save first, your obligation or the object of your affection? unfortunately, thats the choice i'm not ready to make. i need to make sure, but i just don't know how sure i want it to be. hmm.. i'm not making any sense at the moment, am i?


the one thing i won't let go.....

The thin line...

"There seems to be a kind of order in the universe... in the movement of the stars and the turning of the Earth and the changing of the seasons. But human life is almost pure chaos. Everyone takes his stance, asserts his own right and feelings, mistaking the motives of others, and his own."
-Katherine Anne Porter


There's a thin line between love and hate......

Masquerade..

Mas-quer-ade - false outward show; façade; pretense: a hypocrite's masquerade of virtue

life, sometimes is like a masquerade show. we often pretend to be somebody else than who we really are. we met a lot of different types of human everyday and mind you, not all of them are as honest or as genuine as we thought they could be. its just a pretenses, for some reasons as for myself hard to understand..

November 3rd...

it is 3rd of November, a new day and a new month. a start of another hectic month in my calendar. how fast time flies, with a lot of questions still left unanswered...

Melancholy...

(i need to let it out, so bear with me ayte..)

years ago, loneliness, sadness and anger was my so-called friends. in them i felt like i found my true self. honestly, i don't have a fancy childhood life or something out of fairy tale. its was ordinary, with a large dose of reality in hand. i don't know who to be blame, but life was never been fair. how easy it was for some human, to make a decision that affect other people's lives in a long run?to search for their happiness, they leave miseries for people they left behind. it hurts so much that it killed my heart slowly in the process and that's when the walls just built up, the only way i could think of to gain back my inner strength, my self-confidence.i need to protect myself from falling over and over again. if you see me everyday, you won't see the melancholy in my eyes. i have well prepared on keeping them on bay especially when i was surrounded with people i care about, i can't let them be dragged into my sadness. it's my business to make them happy, listen to their outcries, be that shoulder to cry on. maybe for some, it is a burden to do so but for me it's one of the many ways that i can heal myself. strange eh, but it is so true...

"You'll be surprised to know how far you can go from the point where you thought it was the end."
- Anonymous

Utterly clueless...

here i am, sitting here with a lot of thoughts in my mind but i never really can express it into words. somehow, i need to feel inspired again. yesterday, i went to a bookstore and came across this book thats for me quite interesting to read. it's called 'The Trial Of True Love' by William Nicholson. just started to read it and i kinda like fall in love with it already, haha.. well, i leave my post today with a poem by Emily Dickinson that i got from the book;

I've got an arrow here;
Loving the hand that sent it
I the dart revere

Fell, they will say, in 'skirmish'!
Vanquished, my soul will know,
By but a simple arrow
Sped by an archer's bow

it came knocking on the door, and i just can't help myself....

Of everything and nothing...

"The question of love is one that cannot be evaded. Whether or not you claim to be interested in it, from the moment you are alive you are bound to be concerned with love, because love is not just something that happens to you: It is a certain special way of being alive. Love is, in fact, an intensification of life, a completeness, a fullness, a wholeness of life."
- Thomas Merton

just when you thought u know everything that needs to know.....

Road Trip..

some of the ASC's staff (including myself) was in KB yesterday making a presentation for a handful of teachers at Jefri Bolkiah vocational school to promote our products. special thanks to all of them for the warm welcome and great response. well, i think we're going to make another road trip again in the near future since this one has been a great success, can't wait for that one :)

Moments captivated...

when two lonely hearts gazed at each other in a different way than its normal self, it is often felt intense. it can be suffocating, especially when there's so many things left unsaid and the only way to communicate is through their eyes. words are priceless. even when all the moments that captured can't promise something beyond the realistic judgement but somehow, it does affect the hearts. one can't predict how our hearts reasoned itself, it's only the heart that can reason it...

Back at one..?

"Once in a while, right in the middle of an ordinary life, love gives us a fairy tale."
- anonymous

life do works in a mysterious ways. i thought i'm over this, moving on. i made myself believe that you're not there in my mind, but i guess i was wrong. i try to pretend all this didn't happen but somehow it just did.now i know, this heart is not strong enough to erase you completely.but i do hope all that i felt now is just temporary, maybe by tomorrow it'll be over. but what if it didn't?

if only it came sooner....

A million thank you's..

My special thanks to everyone who came for my Raya open house yesterday. thanks to my relatives, colleagues and some of my good friends who turned up, i really do appreciate it and also my sincerest apologies to anyone that i forgot to invite yesterday. Insya-Allah next year, i won't miss out on anyone :)

Jump the ocean....

last few days, i had a long conversation with one of my friend about love. how some people are willing to take the risk of being with the person they love most and just defy everything that stands in between. i mean it's like, just jump to the ocean, even when some of them doesn't really know how to swim. maybe only a few of them will survive and live happily ever after but what about the rest who failed? how's it gonna be?

but in a way, i do salute them though. i mean, what's the used of spending our lifetime being afraid of this thing call love if thats one thing that keeps us going and made us feel alive? i know, love hurts sometimes but in a way it is also a beautiful thing to treasure. it got this undescribable feeling that sometimes very hard to put into words. we felt butterflies, our heart beats faster than a marathon runner and seeing the look in their eyes that can show how much there are in love, magic...

sometimes, when seeing the magic works, i do wish i could be in that stage again. i still love the feeling of being in the 'love zone'. we care about all those little things that we do together because all those things is the one that really matter. hmm..i don't know why i have to talk about love so sudden, maybe its just the spur of the moment i guess or maybe, i'm also trying to take that large step. putting my right foot inside the door....

i need to know if this is real....

Happy Bday Bro..

a special birthday greeting for my brother, Suryadi aka Boy which falls today 19th October. may you be blessed in everything you do and hope all your wishes will come true. study smart and make us proud ya ;)

Blurry..

i felt blur and my mind just went blank since this morning,don't know why. i just stared at all the paperworks but not being able to finish the job. keep reminding myself that i have to do everything before i take my leave starting tomorrow. i think i just have to bring all my work back home and just hope i can do at least half or better yet all of it. hmm..maybe it's just one of those days...

yet, it still remains love...

Quote of the day :

"Once you love, you cannot take it back, cannot undo it. What you felt may have changed, shifted slightly, yet still remains love."

you, and everything about you...

the ties that bind..

images taken yesterday, while attending raya gathering at one of my aunt's place. pictures do worth a thousand words eh? nothing can describe how much i love this people..

Choices we make...

we make choices everyday. what clothes to wear, which place to go for lunch etc..it never ends. but those are just a simple matters to deal with. what about choices that we had to make that could effect our life especially when it comes to something personal, like family matters or work or perhaps about matters of the heart? how do we deal with it?

i posted a quote last few days, about the ironies in life which is for me is so true. sometimes we met a right person at a wrong time or we met a wrong person in a right time. or maybe the right person is in front of us but we just refused to acknowledge the facts or maybe..ego gets in a way. well thats us, humans. how well we planned our lives or who we want to be with but at the end of the day, fate will intervene and change it. this is, for me when choices had to be made. but we have to dig deep into ourselves, what really that we want or is it going to make us happy. or maybe we just take the chance and let it takes it course, just go with the flow. either which way we want it to be, the choice is in our hands. the ball is in our court...

so many mistakes made, in so little time.....

It's Aidil Fitri..

we are going to celebrate Hari Raya tomorrow. yeah! can't wait coz we're going to have 3 days holiday, at least this is the time for me to relax and get together with my family and friends. just feel sad in a way, that we're going to leave Ramadhan month and after this some things will be back to normal, a lot of special memories this month:) Insya-Allah later, i'll be taking half day off from work and might be doing my last minute shopping after that, can't imagine what the capital and other shopping districts look like, i know there'll be traffic jams everywhere in Brunei.

Oh ya, I would like to wish everyone, my family, friends and other readers ;
SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDIL FITRI, MAAF ZAHIR DAN BATIN

Spin the wheel...

Playing Uno spin at pye's crib last night, a bit of a stress reliever :)

Don't let it end..

"The greatest ironies of life: having the right person at the wrong time, having the wrong person when the time is right, and finding out that you love someone after that person walks out of your sight ...."
~ Anonymous~

how i wish things will never end....

It would never made any sense....

"There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness"
Friedrich Nietzsches

sometimes i wonder, if love would ever made any sense. at one point we said its over but a minute after that some of us going back to where they started, at square one. would there be any logical explaination for all this..? hmm..give me a minute to think...

Just so u know..

it's been 3 days since i post anything here. how fast time flies, felt like it was yesterday. nothing really interesting happen for the last 3 days. only on Thursday i managed to get a day off just to bring my mum and sister shopping for raya. i told them it's the only day i have because next week i'll be very busy with my work, as everyone know it's the raya season and of course as the usual, all the banks will be very busy. even i haven't bought anything for myself, lucky it's the weekend so at least i can go shopping tomorrow, whee...

I shouldn't love you but I want to, I just can't turn away....

moody...

i'm not in my usual good mood. don't know why, maybe because of the work pressure, my cycle or whatever it is involved. i hate it when i am in this kind of situation, i really do. i just need to be with myself now, even just for a while until it's over and i hope i'll be ok tomorrow. i don't want to end up hurting other people's feelings who doesn't know how temperamental i am right know. argh!!

went for sungkai with my best friend today, it's been a month since we met each other. she already book me early in the morning cos she knew if it was in a last minute, i'm not sure i can come. it's not that i don't want to but i might already tie up with something else. i do miss her though, we haven't had our usual hours long conversation about our lives like we used to. i can't blame her for being mad at me for not spending time with her like before cos it's hard for me to juggle a lot of things now. hmm....don't want to talk about it for now, it made me feel tired even more. i better get some sleep now..

Insya-Allah, tomorrow's gonna be a better day.....

October, 1st

today is 1st October, a new day and a new month. how fast time flies, leaving us still sitting here with some questions left unanswered and some things just left unspoken.

i hate to admit, but i do miss your face..

surrender to me..

i haven't post anything in two days, just don't know what to write or what story to tell even when there's so many things happen this couple of days. i felt tired and moody lately, maybe because of my workloads and other stuff that need to be taken care off. no complains though but seriously, i do need a holiday. i need to get away for a while, maybe after my work is done then i'll get some time off from all this, Insya-Allah..

i have this website that i often get some nice love quotes from, don't get me wrong cos it's not like i'm in love or anything but i just like reading some of the quotes.

"You will never know love unless you surrender to it."

i find this quite true actually. honestly, even when i'm a kinda of person who love all those romantic movies, love songs, quotes or whatever but i'm not really person who believes that those kind of love exist. oh ok sorry, maybe thats my ego talking so let me put it in a nice way possible, :)

i do believe in this sacred word that called 'love'. it does a lot of things to us in a way, it made us happy, sad and the list goes on. but some things happen that made me look back and think, what if it's not enough? what if there are some other factors that can also contribute for making this work. in the past, i've seen what love can do to people. well, i won't elaborate on the details cos i know i don't really have a right to judge them but only sit back n think and examine. but they survived and willing to give love a try again somehow. hmm...ok ok, i think it's time to take off that EGO hat off now and maybe surrender to it, but let it comes softly.....

i've watched u walk away...

today is my dad's 57th bday, happy birthday to you and hope u have a long and healthy life ahead of you. unfortunately, i forgot to wish him this morning due to a packed schedule and a long list of tasks that i have to finish by the end of the day. i felt bad in a away, but maybe i can just treat him for sungkai somewhere soon, Insya Allah. maybe some people didn't know, we don't really bonded for the last couple of years. well so many things happen that i don't think i can elaborate here but whatever happen, he is still my father and i still have a respect for him.hmm,enuff said..

just checked my email and i came across this movie quote that was send to me by lovingyou.com website,

"There is nothing sadder in this life than to watch someone you love walk away after they have left you. To watch the distance between your two bodies expand until there is nothing left but empty space... and silence."

true eh....? now i have nothing else to say..

Crossroads

i can't sleep, lots of thoughts came across my mind. it's tiring sometimes to be in this kind of situation but well i have to go through it somehow, one way or another. at one point, everything looks clear and at the other end everything just so blurry and hard to understand.

just finish having my sahur with my family at a restaurant in Anggerek, a treat by my sister cos as anybody knows it was a govt pay day yesterday. yesterday was also one of the busiest day at the office. we have to catch up with the deadline of achieving our sales target for this month but unfortunately there's a lot if setbacks that i have to face which made me more temperamental than before. i almost got a fight with one of my colleague, who is in a way one of the most annoying human being i ever knew. i guess he caught me in a bad time, lucky its puasa and i don't want to ruin my day completely so i just packed all my work in my bag and just went home.

i felt bad in a way that, i let my emotions take control of my head. i hate that when it happens, cos at the end i'll regret all the things that i've done before. it's just that at this point in my life, things just so messed up.i need to sort out everything fast, to know which one is genuine and which one is fake. sometimes i just wish there would be a sign that can show me which path to go, which road to travel. oh well...

at the end of the day, i still need to pick and choose......

We are family..

photo taken yesterday evening with my 3 sisters. it was a sungkai treat and Doa Selamat at Rest Hj Zainal for our family and also a long due celebration for my 2 nephew's birthday. special thanks for my sister, anih for the treat :)

let bygones be bygones......

heard a story last night from a friend, a news that's worth waiting for. at least the truth comes out somehow even it's not that soon. honestly, i don't really care much about it anymore because for me past is past but frankly, the scars still remain. i'm a forgiving person but i don't easily forgotten. sometimes i wonder, how can some people be that cruel and selfish. they don't care about our feelings but themselves. even when things are settle now, i just can't go back to where i was before, that's my pride they're messing with. it took me ages to built a castle but it only took seconds for people to destroy it. well, nvm then..just let bygones be bygones.....

someday, it will be over...

Taking chances

haven't post anything yesterday. it was a crazy day! i had to attend appointments with the clients, answering phone calls, briefing, paperworks etc..end up went home from office at 5.30. everybody else has gone home already except for my supervisor and ka nita, she also have to finish her work too. since it was already late , i just stopped by and bought some foods at stadium stall.

i didn't go for terawih cos have to bring my brothers to Nazmi Textile, i forgot that i had promised them one baju melayu each, lucky my mom remind me about it that morning. sorry guys, faham2 lah aku ani pelupa! hehehe..well, after that i went to lyn's crib to play Risk with the rest of the gang and as we know it took us till morning to finish the game, had our sahur there and went home around 5. unfortunately i have to get up at 8 to go to work , gosh..only 3 hours of napping time :)

i felt restless, even just a few hours of sleep especially in this fasting month, i didn't feel tired especially at night. i don't know why maybe it also a way for me to distract myself from some issues that's been bothering me lately. hmm..sometimes, i wish life is that simple. or am i the one who made it difficult, for myself and the people around me? i know at some point, i do made it hard for anyone to get thru, to get inside the door that's been locked in ages. but i know, i can't stay like this forever. i need to find that key...

i'll take my chances...

Being normal

~If you really wanna work it out, then stop denying~
~Quit living in the past of time, you face the truth~
~I got this ice box where my heart used to be~

Song of the day - Omarion feat. Usher ~Icebox Remix

i felt empty inside, a little confused..i need to do some soul-searching for now. i need to get myself back, being normal..

if only i know where to start...

Unfinished business

yesterday evening, i went to Orchid Garden Hotel for sungkai buffet with few of the handlers. it's been weeks i think since last time we went for training together, so it felt good seeing some of them here tonight. we even take pictures but too bad i didn't have any of it for now, maybe i get it next time and post it here :)

for the last few weeks, i've been trying to organize and settle a lot of tasks that needs to be done. paperworks, calculations, some personal agendas etc..well, it feels like a never-ending list. one thing done, 1000 more to go! hehe...well,i guess what i have to do is plan well all the work that needs to be done(typical!) and hope the list didn't increases, not for now..


what we need is a first move..

It's a game of risk...

picture taken last night, while a bunch of us playing game of Risk at lyn's house. most of us are beginners except for lyn i think, so can imagine how's the situation was last night, riuh kali ah! hehehe..but we have a lots and lots of fun! well, i stay at her house with py till morning. btw, thanks for sahur lyn :)

today is my lovely sister's bday. Happy Birthday Jah, hope u have a great life ahead of u n all your wishes come true. btw, how old are u again? hehehe..jgn mare ah


someday, i will find the missing pieces......

saturday..

i don't why, but suddenly i miss this place and of course handball. oh yea..it is saturday :)


now i'm left hanging by a moment..

Just leave it to fate

it's a second day of the fasting month of ramadhan. the weather is cold outside,raining.. hardly see sunshine these days. last night went to perform terawih prayer along with my mom and two brothers. we never miss it every year and this year is no exception, Insya-Allah..

it's funny when some things work out, maybe not perfectly well but still i can say, ok..sometimes, its far beyond our expectations. well, who can predict what's happening tomorrow or the next day? for me, the answer is nobody..at this point, we just leave it to fate and let it show us the way..


and nothing else really matters....

If only..

first of all, i would like to say' bon voyage' to 2 of my friends, Zainur & Faridah who's flying to UK tonight. good luck in your study, too bad we can't celebrate hari raya together this year. To far, hang in there ayte..Insya Allah i'll see you next year , sama2 tani liat Liverpool main ah.. ada ku tu ke sana sama c Bintang :)

tomorrow is the start of holy month of Ramadhan . hmm..time flies so fast, sometimes i just can't adapt to the changes around me. people come and go in our lives, some stays but some left for whatever reasons that we don't have control over. honestly, at some point i do miss those moments when there's only laughter and no tears in our eyes.arggh..wish i could turn back the time. oh well, life goes on..


Do i ever cross your mind, anytime..

My Immortal..

These wounds won't seem to heal..
This pain is just too real..
There's just too much that time cannot erase...

I felt empty inside. If only things were different, if only the choice is in my hand.....

Blue..

today, i woke up feeling blue. don't ask me why, maybe it's a wrong side of a bed i guess, hmm..nothing seems so right today. i don't even feel like going to work, i just want to stay at home n let this day be over but well, i have to go on with it, like it or not. then this afternoon, i got a surprise call from a fren telling me someone i knew passed away yesterday afternoon, Al-Fatihah..

and suddenly it made me think, life is way too short and i know i can't take it way to seriously. i just can't waste it by doing nothing, i need to live it to the fullest and still enjoy it while i can. but in the same time always remember our obligations to the One. a fren of mine used to say, what's the point of life if it's not worth living? well, maybe she's right. wat's the point of living if we didn't know which direction we're going to n wat's the purpose of going on if by the end of the day it was basically nothing? okay okay, that is way too deep for today. gosh, i just can't think straight for now..everything in one day.hmm..i just need to go home, visit my granny, take a nap and make this feeling go away..

Tomorrow's Gonna Be A Better Day..

9th September..

it's my 28th bday! well happy birthday to me..haha..anyway, thanks for all the birthday wishes from everyone. members of the family n some of my frens, thanks a lot for remembering my bday, may all of u be blessed and special thanks to ka nita, for the birthday cake and the treat( i left my wallet at home, pelupa banar!) even though only 2 of us turned up, biasalah last minute punya changes but lucky i managed to call lyna to come n then joined by erda n py to celebrate with me dat afternoon, thanks girls:)

at night, we went for sushi at escapade qlap around 8pm. i was surprised to see the 3 girls with their new look, well girls..looking good :) nda rugi tu bejam2 di salon ah hehehe..and thanks for the present, now i have another 3 in my collection (plus ka nita's gift of course).thanks a lot!

hmm..it went well, even though this year i didn't celebrate it with anyone special(again!) or my bestfren who is away in kk but it is still a day to remember. each year, we met a lot of new people, strangers who then we developed a bond of friendship with and i'm grateful i meet these bunch of people,they also play a part of making this day memorable even it is coincidental in away. well, tomorrow is another new day. I'll work a little harder but more smarter, try to give a time for myself and hoping all my wishes be granted, maybe sooner or maybe later but each n every day i'll pray for it to happen,who knows..

well, next week Insya Allah, we'll be celebrating the start of Holy month of Ramadhan. hmm..can't wait :)

I feel suffocated, all i need is a room to breathe..

It's just around the corner..

yesterday was one of the busiest day, we're having 'tahlil' at home around 5pm. i have to take a half day leave from work yesterday coz i also promise my mum to take her to hua ho mall manggis that morning. well, lucky i don't really have a lot of appointment with the customers (dissapointments ada lah! , hmm..don't wanna talk about dat :()..anyway, i managed to take a nap for a while in the afternoon before the function cos my eyes was too tired from staying up the previous nite, biasa ler bejaga sja bah mlm2 hehehe :D.



after tahlil, i managed to sneak out of the house juz to go to mph for handball, call me an addict but yea i am haha..an hour before that i already prepared my sports gear n parked my car at an area far away so i can make an early exits juz to go for handball and arrived at mph around 7 still with my baju kurong! hehe..sanggup2..anyway, i only played for around 20 mins or so but it was fun even though only a bunch of the handlers turn up. oh yea, welcome back py! she's back for good this time, surprised to see her at mph yesterday :)

btw, the day i've been waiting for is just hours away. tomorrow is my birthday..

the debut

yea..juz created my first blog!( apart from the one in friendster hehe..), at least now i have another 'extra curricular activities' that i can do, hehehe..udah th schedule hectic mau jua kan be blog lagi..oh well at least i have something else 2 do 2 divert a bit of my attention from work n other stuff. i need a place for solitude, to wind up, to relax my mind, to express myself n my own views and to everything n everything else :D. oh well, enuff said..