There's No Place Like Home..

on 1st dec 09, mark my 6th month opening my shop at Delima Jaya Complex. it was something that i would never expect to achieve as it involves lots of sweat, determination, courage, a little bit of luck, a good partner and above all a pray, that things will go as planned. unfortunately, things won't always be smooth all the way. few months down the road, some things gone awry. our whole load of stocks was nowhere to be seen due to someone's unrespectable 'business ethics'. lots of problems arises from there and just gives us lots and lots of headaches. and to add to the injury, i lost my beloved grandma due to stroke just few days after. out of the sudden my life came crashing down. i don't even know where to begin picking up what's left of it. luckily i have a family and a very dear someone who help me get back on my feet. tonight, on this day i decided to close down the shop that brings me a lot of memories and move to a new premise. we have to start back from one, and hopefully this time it will bring a lot of success and luck to both of us and may our dreams came true..Insya Allah

Praise To The ONE..

I Miss You..

life is unpredictable, you'll never know what will happen tomorrow or the next day except The ONE. the only thing that we could do is just pray, good things will come our way. today we celebrate Eid Adha or feast of sacrifice, and another 2 more days month of December will came knocking. how fast time flies..

a lot of things has happen for the last 11 months. the saddest is when my beloved grandma passed away last July. her sudden demise really tear me apart. i feel lost, can't find the rythm of my heart and it sometimes takes a toll in my relationship with the people i love and care most. i felt insecure. it would take me a great amount of time to recover. but i do let go, i know Allah loves her more. things happen for a reason, thats what people say..

Al-Fatihah...

Finding Reasons.....

there's always a reason for everything. the reason why or how, out of the sudden we act on our intuition and impulse rather that rational thinking. a reason when, suddenly we vanished, disappear and just leave our trails behind. hoping someone or something will eventually came to find us. not physically, but more to emotional needs. sometimes, its better to run and be alone than to appear in the crowds but get hurt again and again in end...

This is where i stand.....

In Our Hands....

life is about making choices. sometimes, some people even try to make the decisions for us, which quite frankly i don't enjoy. whatever decisions that we make, let it be big or small, its up to us to decide, cos at the end of the day, we are the ones who have to live with watever choices we make.....

We are who we are.....

Soul Searching.....

for the last few months(or maybe, almost a year), i've been missing from the crowds. most people have been wondering where i've been. sometimes, i got a call or a text from a few of my friends asking me what have i been doing since. as usual, the most typical answer that i could gave is that i'm very busy with the usual hectic schedule. well, that's partly true. part of it, has got to do with my 'soul searching' mission. i just want to spend a little bit my time with my own self cos i know i haven't done so for the last few months (or years perhaps). lets just say what i experience now is a break. away from the crowds and from everything except for work and my family. i need to lay low for a while, to held back everything yet try to enjoy life as it is. i know, someday i have to 'resurface' again to the crowds, maybe not that soon...

Where The Heart Is.....

"i take the risk to love you, to be with you in any way i could be. i can't promise the future, i could only give you now. if only life was fair, at least we don't have to choose..."

tears ran down her cheek, if only she could froze the time so this moment won't pass her by. making a right choice is the hardest anyone could do but sometimes, it's worth to follow what your heart tells you to do.....

Foolish.....

have any one of you ever encounter any office politics in your workplace? a hypocrites, backstabbing assholes, as cunning as they could be just to make themselves being notice. sometimes they're willing to do anything just to be praise. it's sickening, don't you think so?

Disturbed minds do think alike.....

When a door opens.....

there are certain things thats worth holding on, worth risking our life for or just by any chance, losing our pride. its easy to build up a wall just to protect our heart from the word broken but sometimes, its more worst when we dont even want to try. a shadow of the past will always cast upon us, but if we try hard enough, sooner or later those shadows will fade away.....

just keep trying.....

Of all people.....

for anyone who knew me, knows very well how i felt about taking a certain amount of risk when it comes to love. i used to give advise to anyone that when you like a person make sure that we tell them how we felt. but honestly, i didn't applied it to myself. i know, shame on me for not 'walking the talk' but as a commitment phobic myself, its not something that i really enjoy doing. but somehow, something happen and change how i look at things and it does turn my life around. for a first time after a very long time of avoiding the issue, i finally decide to take the risk and honestly, it's something that's worth it. at first i thought that i'm making a wrong move but at the end of the day, it is something that i should have been doing for a long time. but mind you, i'm not into the commitment thingy just yet cos at the moment i'm just trying to take things a day at a time. thanks to a certain someone, i finally making a giant leap forward....

catch you when you fall, time after time...

Tell me it's real......

so many things has change in just a short period of time.when you thought it will never end or will everything stays the same, in just seconds it turn to be something that was way too unexpected to handle. once in a while, i still ask myself if those things are real and not just some dream. it is real. what i need to do now is just sit back and appreciate what's there in front of me.....

the one thing i want the most....

A passing thought...

sometimes, when you thought you're getting over something and partly trying to let go, there will be things that make you stop and realize, it was something worth holding on to...

Losing it...

i haven't post anything in days. lack of inspiration i guess or maybe there's just too many things happen last week that i just can't comprehend or put it in words. will try to post something soon..

Foolish...

just when you thought you knew everything about a person, in some point or another something will happen just to prove that there are things that our eyes can't see, or we just left behind. people make choices everyday, either good or bad its up to them to decide. one foolish mistake could cause us years of regret. well, its up to us to think what's best as long as we are not solely blinded for something superficial, something fake...

the ball is in your court......

Walking Wounded

it had been an unusual week for me. a lot has happen and i was feeling drained emotionally. not having a usual good night sleep, i kept waking up in the middle of the night and it could lead me to think of something unnecessary. lucky i have sport activities to fill up my day plus handball resume training again starts yesterday. it was a nice game but unfortunately i hurt my right arm again, it was so painful i can't hardly lift it up since last night. even this morning, i could only use my left arm to drive to work. i just hope it gets better tomorrow. well, at this moment in time, it felt more better to endure the physical pain that the heartache......

it hurt me as much as it hurts u...

A little peace of mind....

a lot of my friends keep asking me where had i been for the last few months. they felt like i've been avoiding them, even my best friend felt like i don't want to see her anymore which was so not right. i can't really explain the reason for my mysterious disappearance to everyone, let it be my little secrets. once in a while, people need a time of their own even myself. a lot has been happening and i just can't seem to absorb everything in one go. i know being 'invisible' is not a good option but at the moment that's the only choice i can think of. i know, sooner or later i have to come out from the sanctuary but let it be from my own will to do so.

found my place at the other side of the world.....

Can't Fight The Moonlight......

how do you get back and pick up the pieces that you left way back? something that you thought could never be given back to you or you'll never imagine finding it again after a long long time? maybe it's hard to understand what i'm talking about at the moment, even myself still in a process of examining those details everyday. there's a lot of changes happened in my life lately. something unexpected but good. things just fell at the right places and i think at a right time. but why did i still have an urge to fight everything and just pretend it was something superficial?

well, there's a lot of things that were at stake. simply said, maybe everything. tell me i worried too much but yea,i do. sometimes i ask myself, is all this worth the risk, if things are not going well in the end but then at this point, it doesn't seem to matter anymore. i don't wanna fight it, i'm tired of running. run from the fact that its what i want but choose to be ignorant so it won't hurt my pride. it's what i always do. but this time, i just couldn't afford to run anymore.i can't fight the moonlight.....

Lost and Confused...

it seems like my mind don't work out clearly and perfectly well these past few days. don't know why, maybe because there's a lot of things going on. it's hard to swallow everything in just one go thus it made be not being myself. i feel lost out of sudden. maybe i just need a little time to recuperate, to find my way back into the game.

if i could run, anywhere but here.....

Fight, in the name of something...

how far would we go and fight for something that we felt worth it? are we willing to sacrifice everything that we had and just pursue that one thing in life? i often questioned myself, if one day i was in that shoes will i be able to fight just for the sake of pursuing my own true happiness. will i be brave enough to defy the odds and came out a winner? at the moment, i don't have the answer for that question. honestly, i'm still doing some soul searching at the moment. the last few weeks has been an eye opener. even how observant i am to others, i am ignorant to my own true self. i often said, fight for something if its worth it or show how much we cared but how ashamed, i don't really apply the rules myself. i don't know what stops me from doing so, it's my pride i guess. oh well, shame on me. hmm..maybe one of these days...

Those missing pieces.....

i'm looking for some missing pieces on a perfect puzzles,it's hard to put everything together when all the clues seems to be blurry. feels like the pieces was hid somewhere so no one could ever find it or maybe i just have to look for it at an unusual places...

if only things weren't that complicated.....

It never seems to heal...

some people say, time heal old wounds. but i don't really think that phrase applies for me too. it's been years since but the wounds don't seems to heal. i've been trying to put a positive mind on everything, forgiving and even trying to forget but nothing seems to work. i know, i shouldn't dwell to much on the past especially my not-so fancy past life but once in a while we tend to look back to all the things that made us being bitter in the first place. call me cruel but frankly, i don't really give a damn anymore. how i wish i could run and leave everything behind.....